Being a people pleaser, when my kids were little it was hard for me to say, “NO”.
But I knew it wasn’t good for them to always get their own way.
Then I found a secret!
When your kids ask for something that you probably need to say “No” to, instead responding sharply, we can say
“Maybe. Let me think about it.”
That way you you have given them some hope without being the big meanie and crushing their dreams.
Don’t do this all the time, however, or they will start thinking that ‘maybe’ means ‘no’!
And there are lots of ways to say, “No” without being harsh or cruel.
The main thing is to allow the child to feel as though you are on his side and you are not opposing him in his ambitions.
You can say, “Not this time, Honey” or “ Hey, that’s a great idea! Right now is not a good time, but maybe we can do that someday!”
Also if it’s a desire for a thing, like a toy or a pet you know you cannot afford the time or money for, there are lots of ways to work with that desire.
One is to allow the child to create a dream board:
Encourage them to draw a picture of the thing, event or experience they want.
Then draw a picture of them playing with the toy, pet or doing the activity.
Next put it on a poster board or on the wall for them to see.
In the process they will also learn to clarify what it is they want, and how it will fit into their life.
Tell them this is important in achieving our dreams, that just because you can’t have something now, doesn’t mean you won’t be able to get it in the future.
This will teach them that things “take time to happen overnight” and that it is part of the process to get your own way through patience and forward thinking.
You want your kids to grow up to the most loving, creative and positive people on earth, RIGHT?
I had a dream about a man with a foot that had been stepped on. The foot had basically died. But he kept dragging it along with him everywhere he went, dismissing it.It hurt badly, but he had ignored it for so long that pretty soon it didn’t seem to bother him anymore. But it was still with him, and when people would notice that he walked funny he’d say, “Oh that? It’s nothing! It doesn’t hurt.”But itDID hurt, and kept him from getting very far.
My ‘dead foot’ consisted of all the false beliefs about myself from the pains I suffered as a child. That I wasn’t good enough, or smart enough or deserving of the good stuff other people had. That it was my job to keep going when I was hurting, endure it and help everyone else, even though underneath, the real cry of my heart was, “Who’s going to help me?”
Is there an injured or dead part you’ve been carrying around with you?
It’s no use pretending it’s not there. It’s obvious. Everyone else can already see it, so you may as well admit it.
Do you ever feel like a flower, surrounded by weeds? Have they had a stranglehold on your progress, keeping you from getting anywhere?
Your life may have been so intertwined with people and things that robbed you of your energy, that pretty soon you began to think, “I guess this is who I am.”But inside of you, there is a flower. When you find the strength to extract yourself from the lies you believed about yourself that others told you, you will be able to see it, too. You are theflower. Not the weeds.
When I finally got free of my ‘dead foot’ of false beliefs, I asked myself, “Why did it take so long?”
It was because it was what I was used to.
Rene Descartes said, “I think, therefore I AM”.
Back then I would have said, “I hurt, therefore I exist.”
But most of all, I had never met anyone else who had been in my shoes and found a way out.
Then I met Stacy Brookman.
Stacy showed me how a person can go to hell and back and use all that manure that had been dumped on her to THRIVE. And she did it by WRITING IT OUT.
What about you? Are you ready to get free?
As a Resilience and Life Storytelling Expert, Stacy opened the door for me to heal, grow, and blossom.Sometimes all you need is a good gardener for the soil of your soul – to help you dig in and pull out the weeds that keep you from flowering into your true beauty. Thank you, Stacy. I am eternally grateful to you.
Imagine finding that within yourself! Joy, Peace and the the fulfillment of all your dreams! But, like a hose that is not attached to the faucet, no water will come through until: 1- It’s connected to the source and 2- The flow is turned on. We cannot blame the source for the lack of itself. Only what is in the way of it getting through!
WHAT IS BLOCKING OURCONNECTION TO JOY?
When we cling to our burdens, emotional hurts and upsets, we’re letting go of JOY.
WHY? Because that’s what we’re paying attention to!
Holding tightly to our problems, unhealthy beliefs, struggles and upsets only makes things worse and gets in the way of our progress. Most of us don’t even realize we’re doing it. These ‘Automatic Negative Thoughts’ can be undone with divine guidance. Repetition of our early programming got us into it, and repeatedly asking for divine help can get us out!
Time for Self-examination!
Look at your inner world. What are you concentrating on?
What is rattling around in there?
What are your FEELINGS?
What conclusions do you come to about what your feelings mean?
Are you afraid they mean that you are somehow unworthy or unlovable?
Are you seeing the Big Picture?
Have you done a REALITY CHECK to see if the data is accurate?
Or do you immediately assume the worst? You may be suffering from DYSFUNCTIONAL LISTENING because of pain and trauma of the past.
When you were little, people may have laughed at you, ignored or punished you foryour feelings – and you faithfully learned to stuff them. But perpetually ignoring your feelings makes you feel discounted and you will come to the wrong conclusion about your value and worth as a human being. You subconsciously begin believing a lie that you are worthless and unimportant. And as soon as you believe a lie, the lie become a PREJUDICE, which is: A VERDICT in search of EVIDENCE. And from then on you are looking for things to support that conclusion. And you will always find what you will be looking for things to support that conclusion.
The truth is that your feelings are a sacred gift from God, telling you something.
What is it? It’s YOU.Youhave a unique path to travel, and only YOU can discover God’s direction for you.
You can open any door, if you have the key.
TRUTH is the key that opens the door to inner freedom.
How you really feel will open the door to deeper truths that will free you further.
Communicating your truth is another KEY.
What if you get your feelings hurt by someone but don’t tell them. Why don’t you? Are you afraid they won’t love you, or that they really don’t care how you feel and will reject you for it? And then what might happen next? That you may end up alone? That’s just one example of how FEAR can keep us from finding the Truth, and trap you into not speaking your mind. And fear destroys Love.
The antidote for ‘Wrongly Processed Incoming Data’ is Doing a REALITY CHECK.
Express your feelings about what youthink they said, means.
ASK the other person if what you heard them say is actually what theyreally meant.
Have the courage to face the truth, whatever the outcome. What’s the worse thing that can happen? You will be in good company with yourself either way.
Others may misunderstand you at times too because of their ‘wrongly processed information”.
This old saying says it well:
“I know you believe what you THINK I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you HEARD is not what I MEANT!”
One night I was pondering how to express visually the way the mind can block our joy and trick us into being afraid because of things that have happened in the past. As I was waking up the next morning this picture came to me of the shadows of the past that torment us. And when we look at them they lose their power.
God calls us to live in peace and experience His love.
Your Higher consciousness knows more than you do how to get you there.
That source of life and wisdom is speaking to you all the time JUST ON THE OTHER SIDE OF YOUR BLOCKS!
When you reach that divine spark within it will blow a hole in the wall by quieting the monkey brain and open the door for the light to stream in. Then as you begin taking in new information – without filtering – you can begin to observe yourself from a higher perspective. Soon you will see yourself the way your higher self sees you: As a precious child of God with inherent value.
HOW TO DO THIS:Find a quiet spot to be alone and go within. Close your eyes and
ASK YOUR HIGHER SELF:
1- What are you feeling? Sad? Lonely, hurt, desperate, anxious, angry?
2- Why are you feeling this way?
3- Have you ever felt this before?
4- When did you feel it in the past?
5- Where did this feeling first start?
6- What are you afraid it means about you? (that you’re no good, etc.)
7- Is that true? Or have you been believing a lie? What is the truth under it?
ASK YOURSELF:
Notice Where you feel it in your body. Concentrate on feeling it deeply. Put your hand over that spot and inwardly send it love and light. When old feelings of sadness, pain, shame, or anger are awakened in you from your earliest memories, this feeling will get to it’s core,revealingthe lie that you feared was true about you.
The huge range of BLOCKS to our JOY include: Negative emotions, false beliefs and defense mechanisms, originating from fear, shame and anger due to victimization issues and trauma. The list below shows a few examples followed by positive affirmations of truth to counteract them. See if you identify with any of these:
From now on, as you observe each thought as it passes by, only allow to stay in your mind those that agree with higher truth. When you spot a feeling that leads you to believe a lie, UNDO it by declaring the TRUTH that you ARE NOW and HAVE ALWAYS BEENof GREAT WORTH, precious and deserving as a child of a loving Heavenly father.
Thoughts create your reality and vibrate into your future.
You will attract what you are vibrating.
You can’t go back and change the past, but you can start from now and make a brand new ‘end’!
EXAMINE YOUR THOUGHTS and motivations:
Are you OUTLINING for GOD by trying to FORCE results in your life?
Even if you have the kindest of intentions to help others, instead of trying to force things to work out ‘the way YOU think is right’, LET GO AND LET GOD.
Relax and accept that things are somehow part of a bigger plan and the God of your Understanding knows more than YOU do! You won’t be disappointed in the end.
I love what my obstetrician, Rikki Hendrix said of his view of God. He said,
“My view of God is kinda the way my dog looks at me when I come home from work.He could never understand in a million years what I do for a living. But he knows I’ll feed Him.”
TRUST can stand for: Take RISKS Until Seeing Totally.
Pray, “Thank you God that I can put my trust in you.”
BEGIN NOW:
Take a RISK to ‘UNDO’ BLOCKS between you and JOY.
HOW?
SPOT Negative Self-talk, then REPLACE it with Positive Habits of Thinking and Speaking the TRUTH!
Relax. Somebody Bigger than you is in charge.
Your truth will get brighter and brighter as you begin looking at yourself from a higher perspective.
Do you doubt yourself? Think that something might be too hard for you to do? Then answer this:
CAN YOU WALK?
According to scientific research, if you can walk, or talk, then you’ve already been able to accomplish the hardest thing you’ll ever be called upon to learn!
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR YOU?
OK. That means that you have no more excuses. You can never again say, “It’s too hard. I can’t do that.”
Never let someone else tell YOU, “You Can’t Do That”, either.
If you’ve learned to walk and talk as a baby, NOTHING can stop you now!
