Being a people pleaser, when my kids were little it was hard for me to say, “NO”.
But I knew it wasn’t good for them to always get their own way.
Then I found a secret!
When your kids ask for something that you probably need to say “No” to, instead responding sharply, we can say
“Maybe. Let me think about it.”
That way you you have given them some hope without being the big meanie and crushing their dreams.
Don’t do this all the time, however, or they will start thinking that ‘maybe’ means ‘no’!
And there are lots of ways to say, “No” without being harsh or cruel.
The main thing is to allow the child to feel as though you are on his side and you are not opposing him in his ambitions.
You can say, “Not this time, Honey” or “ Hey, that’s a great idea! Right now is not a good time, but maybe we can do that someday!”
Also if it’s a desire for a thing, like a toy or a pet you know you cannot afford the time or money for, there are lots of ways to work with that desire.
One is to allow the child to create a dream board:
Encourage them to draw a picture of the thing, event or experience they want.
Then draw a picture of them playing with the toy, pet or doing the activity.
Next put it on a poster board or on the wall for them to see.
In the process they will also learn to clarify what it is they want, and how it will fit into their life.
Tell them this is important in achieving our dreams, that just because you can’t have something now, doesn’t mean you won’t be able to get it in the future.
This will teach them that things “take time to happen overnight” and that it is part of the process to get your own way through patience and forward thinking.
You want your kids to grow up to the most loving, creative and positive people on earth, RIGHT?
October brought a hurricane to Florida that year. . .
And there was one in MY LIFE, too. Everything collided.
Taxes were due! Kids got sick. Important ‘fun’ social events were scheduled. An irrevocable appointment was approaching.
OMG. ALL IN THE SAME WEEK! I was racing to get it all done. Even the fun stuff wasn’t fun.
How was I to make it through?
ONE:
Stop. Breathe. Pray.
Remember:
TWO:
Observe myself.
Are your shoulders tight? Do your arms ache? Can you manage to STOP long enough to FOCUS? RELAX and remember it’s the nature of life to swing from pairs of opposites, from happy to sad, peaceful to chaotic, etc., etc.
The only way to get through it is to get above it, and not get sucked in by the drama below.
THREE:
Take these steps to stay balanced in Body, Mind and Emotions:
BODY: Pay attention to your body’s needs. FEEL yourself. Are you tired? Dehydrated? When your body is worn out, you need to recharge your batteries.
MIND: Slow down. WATCH your mind. Learn to meditate. Meditation helps you quiet your mind and make you more aware of what you are actually feeling in your body, thinking in your mind and feeling in your emotions. And remember what you’ve been forgetting.
EMOTION: Are you full of love, joy and peace? Or anger, frustration and resentment? What things have gotten in the way of being the person you want to be? Examine your heart to face what you are feeling. Then reach out to someone you trust.
Why is it that you can’t get something clean without getting dirty in the process?
The biggest slob I know won’t touch anything filthy or yucky. No way.
“EWE! I’m not getting near THAT!”
So the result is, that the mess sits. And sits. And sits.
But of course, they are not parents – yet.
Imagine if we just let the baby sit in their poop forever.
The baby would die.
There’s no way around it:
In order to get rid of something bad you must get in there and face the awful truth.
No matter how bad it smells.
Yep. We can’t let the baby die, so we face the poop.
I think God invented babies so we would learn to finally grow up.
And dealing with the poop in our little ones, we begin to see who we really are.
How mean and selfish we are only thinking of ourselves all the time.
And in the process something wonderful happens.
We begin becoming people who do truly care about others.
ALL CLEAN NOW!
Once our little ones are clean and neat again, they’re so beautiful. And sweet. And lovable.
Even though you know they will get dirty again.
We can forgive them for that. They can’t help themselves.
Were we ever so precious? We were. And still are. Underneath it all.
You’re still cleanable!
So don’t give up.
YOU ARE FORGIVABLE, TOO!
When I first imagined I wanted kids, way back in 1970 B.C. (BeforeChildren) I pondered what I would tell my (future) kids if they ever screwed up so royally they were afraid to come home!
I had a dream about a man with a foot that had been stepped on. The foot had basically died. But he kept dragging it along with him everywhere he went, dismissing it.It hurt badly, but he had ignored it for so long that pretty soon it didn’t seem to bother him anymore. But it was still with him, and when people would notice that he walked funny he’d say, “Oh that? It’s nothing! It doesn’t hurt.”But itDID hurt, and kept him from getting very far.
My ‘dead foot’ consisted of all the false beliefs about myself from the pains I suffered as a child. That I wasn’t good enough, or smart enough or deserving of the good stuff other people had. That it was my job to keep going when I was hurting, endure it and help everyone else, even though underneath, the real cry of my heart was, “Who’s going to help me?”
Is there an injured or dead part you’ve been carrying around with you?
It’s no use pretending it’s not there. It’s obvious. Everyone else can already see it, so you may as well admit it.
Do you ever feel like a flower, surrounded by weeds? Have they had a stranglehold on your progress, keeping you from getting anywhere?
Your life may have been so intertwined with people and things that robbed you of your energy, that pretty soon you began to think, “I guess this is who I am.”But inside of you, there is a flower. When you find the strength to extract yourself from the lies you believed about yourself that others told you, you will be able to see it, too. You are theflower. Not the weeds.
When I finally got free of my ‘dead foot’ of false beliefs, I asked myself, “Why did it take so long?”
It was because it was what I was used to.
Rene Descartes said, “I think, therefore I AM”.
Back then I would have said, “I hurt, therefore I exist.”
But most of all, I had never met anyone else who had been in my shoes and found a way out.
Then I met Stacy Brookman.
Stacy showed me how a person can go to hell and back and use all that manure that had been dumped on her to THRIVE. And she did it by WRITING IT OUT.
What about you? Are you ready to get free?
As a Resilience and Life Storytelling Expert, Stacy opened the door for me to heal, grow, and blossom.Sometimes all you need is a good gardener for the soil of your soul – to help you dig in and pull out the weeds that keep you from flowering into your true beauty. Thank you, Stacy. I am eternally grateful to you.
